Whether we are four or forty,
sixteen or sixty, the death of a parent is a life-changing event.
Being human is filled with times of difficulty and times of joy.
Both times become more complicated when one of our parents dies.
Our feelings are not always obvious to others. We show our overt
reactions and feelings, but there are many parts to our grief that
remain invisible, unseen by others. Sometimes we may feel sad and
cry in front of others, yet not all of us do and not all of the
time.
Words fail us when we attempt to explain how we feel disoriented
and somehow smaller in a world grown-so- large. Yet, we identify
when someone puts words to this sense of being stranded and minimized.
And for young individuals who have experienced the death of a parent,
this sense of being out-of-step can last well into their adult lives.
It is described as not knowing some important piece of information,
of not belonging or not being a part of things.
Having a parent die when we are very young affects us throughout
life. Being a young adult when our parent dies also sets the stage
for a long lasting impact. Being a mature adult when we first experience
the death of a parent may lessen the number of years we are affected,
but not necessarily lessen the impact of the loss on our lives.
Regardless of our age when a parent dies, we lose the person we
thought we were. We are definitely different. We must transcend
the loss and integrate the experience into our new self. In a sense
the old me dies and the new me evolves.
