Pat Andrus, MS
A Comforting Voice
Any significant loss in
life may leave us feeling deprived, protesting the loss and wishing
we could reverse it, stimulated to personal action, or assaulted
by the changes resulting from the loss. It takes an incredible
amount of energy, time and guidance to follow the journey.
Depending on our history, we may turn towards our religion or
away from it. Many of us experience a crisis in faith, where we
become unsure of exactly what we think or believe about God. We
may feel let down, disappointed or outright angry at God, the
people of His churches or at some undefinable power we sense is
larger than we are.
Sometimes, we wonder why God let this person die instead of
someone else, perhaps even instead of ourself. Elderly persons
comment after the death of one of their younger family members,
"Why him? Why not me? I'd have willingly gone in his place. I've
lived a long life. He's just starting his. It should have been
me."
Being told "It was God's way" or "God needed the person more than
we needed him or her" is not necessarily comforting to us. It
may even result in a greater dilemma or confusion for the bereaved
person. After all, if "the good always die young," another popular
statement upon the death of a youthful person is true, does that
mean the rest of us are bad simply because we have lived more
years?
Take heart that others before us have asked such questions and
those coming after us may also. While there may be no clear answers,
asking the questions, whether silently or aloud, can aid in our
healing.
Several excellent books on these questions of faith and grief
are available. Suggestions are: When Bad Things Happen to Good
People (Kushner), Praying Our Goodbyes (Rupp), and
Don't Take My Grief Away (Manning).
