What was has ended; there
is more good to come. Making memories of times without your spouse
is slow and painful. Treasure every warm and joyful moment you find.
Being widowed can happen at any age. Our needs, wants and responsibilities
can be very different at different phases of the life cycle. Remember
not to compare yourself to others who have different situations.
Refrain from making ANY major decisions that can wait until at least
a year has passed. Example: Instead of moving in with one of your
children, agree to an extended visit to test out the ways it could
work.
Let others help where they can to ease the difficult times. Others
want to help. We must let them do some things. AND we must bolster
our spirits and take steps forward.
Baby steps are easier to accomplish than giant leaps. Allow yourself
to succeed by measuring the smallest gains as being of large value.
We, and others, often expect too much.
Offering support to others, touching a hand, making a phone call,
sharing a simple meal can help us return what we have received.
Whether it happens today or tomorrow, being able to help another
is one way of helping ourselves heal.
Finding yourself in tears and on-going pain is scary. Remind yourself
you are not alone. Others have walked this path and are making it.
So can you.
Reach out for help. Perhaps call the Widowed Persons Service for
a phone buddy, 337/289-8669.
Be cautious of overspending. Finances may be tight for some time,
even if you have a comfortable lifestyle. While spending without
much consideration is a common over-reaction to grief, it just creates
more tension when bills arrive or you realize how much money has
been used.
Turn towards your spiritual beliefs. Even if you are disappointed
in how humans have responded to your pain, there is hope. Asking
your questions like "WHY?" means you are in a conversation with
your God force. Whether the answers are present or not, our asking
the questions is part of our healing process.
Strength is there, even when we think it is not. You have made it
this far. Wanting to scream, "I'm NOT strong!" is okay for this
moment. Allowing yourself to feel whatever you feel -- strength
or weakness -- is a part of your strength.
Indulging in excessive spending, sex, alcohol, tobacco, other drugs,
food, or other gratifications leads to more sorrow down the path.
Laughter and tears both heal us. It is not necessary to stop yourself
from laughing. You still care about your spouse, even when you find
something amusing now. Remind yourself humans were given laughter
as a sacred gift we share.
Turning to your pet is one place to find unconditional love. Pets
have helped many people make it through lonely days and nights.
Expressing the most painful pieces of your grief can be cleansing.
Find a trustworthy person who can accept you in all your honesty.
Operate as though you expect life to improve. Notice the good times.
Develop a positive outlook. Allow your energy to ebb and flow. Do
unto yourself the fine ways you would do unto others.
